


common interview questions

by ishka



Category: Free!
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 04:24:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6689029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishka/pseuds/ishka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sousuke sucks at getting to know people, and Haru is a difficult individual to have feelings for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	common interview questions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [popnographic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/popnographic/gifts).



> i wrote 80% of this for souharu week... 5 months ago. IT'S FINALLY DONE. it's for popnographic...... because the jokes are bad.

Sousuke really sucks at getting to know people.

He doesn’t notice this until Makoto points it out one day in that stern way Makoto has learned to be when even he’s sick of tiptoeing around things: “Sousuke, you suck at getting to know people.”

Sousuke likes to think Makoto (finally) learned to state it like it is from him, but probably not. The guy’s really grown up since leaving Iwatobi. He stands up for himself. Glares appropriately. He cursed twice in one day like a year ago. All real grown-up things. Sousuke mentioned that fondly in confidence to Rin once and Rin pointed down at his crotch and nodded knowingly- _sagely_ , even. Like his dick had the magic touch.

It was terrible.

“Honestly,” Makoto sighs over the clanging of the dishes in the sink. “You’d both like each other if you- I don’t know- _spoke_ to him.”

Sousuke throws a container of leftovers with a little more force than he intended to towards the back of the small fridge. “You bring him over for social hour. I participate. We have nothing to say to each other. Did you forget that you set us up on a date once and it was fucking awful? Be happy we get along at all. Stop _badgering_ me.”

“Well it’s been three months since I moved in here and it’s getting really, _really_ awkward. You don’t even dislike each other! You have mutual interests! So why don’t you _talk_ to him? It drives me crazy. I have to carry the entire dinner.”

Sousuke closes the fridge and leans on it, folding his arms and glaring at Makoto’s back. “Do you give him the same scolding big brother talks you give me?”

“I do!” Makoto huffs. “It’s like being friends with three five-year-olds. When I tell Rin, he _laughs_ at me.”

Sousuke snorts, hearing Rin’s unattractive cackle echoing in his mind. Rin doesn’t sweat this as much as Makoto does. He gets a kick out of it. Then again, he’s not physically around to be annoyed by it like Makoto is either.

“I’m telling you-” Makoto continues, and Sousuke cuts him off.

“Makoto, he’s _boring_. I know he’s your friend, and I’m sure he’s more animated with you, but if I wanted to get to know a pale piece of driftwood I’d go out to the beach and come out ahead with a better view.”

If Sousuke didn’t know any better, Makoto just heard _I hate everything you stand for_ by the sheer magnitude of offense that suddenly squares his shoulders. “ _Sousuke_.”

“It’s a two way street.”

“And yet he’s asked me if you just don’t like him. _You’re_ the one not trying.”

“...Yeah, yeah,” he mumbles. So maybe that was rude, and maybe Makoto is right. Makoto drops it, knowing Sousuke’s apologetic mumbling by now for what it is.

Sousuke cooked, so he leaves Makoto to finish the kitchen without a whole lot of guilt over the matter. Especially if Makoto’s just going to stand there and _bitch_. This isn’t his problem- Haru isn’t his problem. They can both be friends with Makoto without being friends with each other. Makoto’s right; he _doesn’t_ dislike the half-pint at all. But Sousuke doesn’t dislike a lot of people he also isn’t friends with.

They _did_ try. Makoto forced him and Haru to give it a shot. Since neither of them know how to say no to Makoto, they did. They went to eat at some moderately upscale place. Sousuke couldn’t squeeze ten words out of the guy. Even with such riveting conversational topic starters as _:_

“So that Makoto huh?”  
“How’s the...water been?”  
“Seen any good dogs lately?”

(He meant to say movies. He was thinking about dogs.)

The equally pioneering answers fell as:

“Yeah.”  
“Good.”  
“All of them.”

Then, silence. And Sousuke nearly fell asleep at the table.

He’s relatively certain Haru actually _did_ if his sudden jolt upwards a few minutes later was any indication. Then they both unknowingly texted Makoto under the table to call them with a fake emergency and bail them out.

Other than _that_ , it’s always been a non-issue until Makoto moved in. Sousuke and Haru share mutual respect at get togethers, polite nods at the ends of the nights, and then they walk away from each other, as always. But since Sousuke’s living space is now shared until Rin returns from his worldly adventures, Makoto has to bring Haru into their space if they want to hang out, bad first dates notwithstanding.

“My roommate is too eccentric,” Haru said dismissively once about it when Makoto offered to go to him instead. Sousuke doesn’t even want to fucking know what _Haru_ of all people classifies as eccentric. He’s probably living with a nudist.

Sousuke yawns, swipes the remote off the arm of the chair, and trips with a twist onto the couch. The movie he only just got to start before Haru came over is rolling its credits now, and he frowns in disappointment as he turns it over to something else.

“-would make my life a lot easier if I didn’t have to orchestrate every conversation, is what I’m saying,” Makoto says as he steps into the room. “ _Please._ For me?”

Sousuke rolls his eyes and gives up. “I hear you, Makoto. I will make another attempt to squeeze water from a rock.”

“That’s all I’m asking for.”

“No, you _still_ think we can go out. Don’t think I don’t know your angle on this.”

Makoto sits in the armchair and eyes him from the side, and does not proceed to deny that. “Last month he got drunk and told me he thinks you’re ‘not the ugliest person he’s ever seen’. I mean coming from him, it’s like a confession. I’m telling you, he’s interested, but he won’t be forever, and you’re going to blow it if you don’t make an effort.”

“ _Wow,_ ” Sousuke groans. “This is making it worse. I’m not gonna date him.”

“Just saying.”

“Don’t you have your _actual_ boyfriend to go and bother? I didn’t sign up for your matchmaking or nagging and _yet_.”

Makoto laughs and stands back up. “I should probably Skype him before it gets too late. Hey, did you try that dating app I told you about by the way?”

Sousuke tries not to throw anything at Makoto over his inability to butt the fuck out of his dating life ever. His insistence into this shit was his sign of showing he cared. Or something. “Yes. I did.”

“And?”

“ _And_ it isn’t your business, but I’m getting drinks with a torso on Tuesday.”

Makoto’s face twists to concern. “Excuse me?”

“I’ve only seen his torso. But he seems funny enough.” A blessedly gorgeous torso. An athlete’s body. The twist on his hip revealing that thick, back flank that sits right above the ass that Sousuke may have a bit of a _thing_ for, and a photo taken just for him to reveal it. A slightly parted mouth at the top, just cut off enough to not be able to imagine the face that goes with it. A dry sense of humor with absolutely zero expectations. Just a rich and smart and rounded guy all around, and Sousuke thinks it’s rare for him to have such a playground crush when he doesn’t even have a face to go off of, from an app that exists to match people up for less than pure reasons. He’s not sure if Makoto knew that when he suggested it.

“Oh, let me see,” Makoto says excitedly.

“You’re taken.”

“I can window shop,” he pouts.

Sousuke sighs and finds his phone, accusing Makoto of depravity under his breath, and thumbs through the interface for the photo in question, then hands it over.

Makoto does not look impressed in the slightest, and Sousuke is mildly offended. Does he not know perfection in a male form when he sees it? Dumb question. Obviously not since, you know: _Rin_. Instead his eyes narrow and a frown takes over his typically cheery face, until he throws the phone in a high arc back at Sousuke. “That’s Haru.”

Sousuke bolts upright and glares at him. “Get the fuck out. That isn’t funny.”

“It’s him. I’m positive.”

“ _How- there’s no face-_ ”

“I think I swam with him long enough to know.”

He stares at his phone like it’s betrayed him. He got off to that photo. Twice. This is fucking apocalyptically terrible. “I need to cancel. Immediately. Don’t ever fucking tell him. The _things I have said-_ ”

Makoto snorts. “ _Go_. Obviously more than one entity is telling you to give it another chance. I’ll set you up at a nice place to make it better?”

“Makoto, this… isn’t a _date,_ date. This is a classic one and done. A fuck and run. A hit it and quit it. A smash and da-”

“Got it, thanks,” he laughs.

If Makoto’s upset over the idea of his closest, _dearest_ friend running around town being a shameless slut, he doesn’t show it. Oh, and Sousuke supposes he doesn’t mind Haru is out doing that either.

Makoto hums in thought and finally shrugs it off. “Well if that’s what you both want to do in the end. I don’t really care. As long as you talk at dinner,” he reminds him with a smile, then turns and retreats to his room to likely laugh hysterically about this entire thing with Rin. “Just go along with it, you never know,” he calls as an afterthought over his shoulder before he closes the door.

Well, maybe… if Haru has half the personality he’s shown in their anonymous conversations, that’s one-hundred percent more personality than he showed on their stuffy dinner date.

Plus, he figures, that _body_.

* * *

 

“Well somehow I can’t say I’m as surprised as I should be,” Haru says with a flatline to rival a pancake’s. “I had a feeling. Makoto’s toothbrush was in one of your photos.”

Of all the things… but Sousuke just nods and swallows his never ending embarrassment. “Thanks, you’re too kind not to give me a heads up before I spoke in vivid detail about how I could use my mouth on you.”

“Makoto told you to get the app too,” Haru sighs, piecing it together. “Makes sense. We live near each other. Our interests are limited. Our dislikes are many.”

Sousuke chuckles a bit at that, and can’t argue. “Well we’re both here despite knowing who we were going to see before we arrived. So let’s have a second first date and get it over with.”

“For Makoto.”

“For Makoto,” Sousuke agrees.

Haru takes a glance into the dingy, sleazy, out-of-the-way izakaya they’d picked out. Even Sousuke’s a bit red at his neck looking at it. This really isn’t appropriate now that they’re here and staring at each other and collectively recalling their very long history together, starting at innocent croquettes.

“I have a better idea,” Haru states, and Sousuke’s only slightly relieved considering the owner of those words.

Sousuke’s staring up at a fucking cruiseship an hour later as the sun’s going down, far as fuck across town. It’s docked and has a makeshift fancy tarp at the front of the loading bridge, and a man in a tuxedo at the booth. “ _Uh_.”

“We can eat here.”

“Eating wasn’t the plan. Well, food anyway.”

Haru grumbles like he’s explained this five times at least and isn’t happy to repeat himself. “I want to see the ship. You seem the type to humor me. Makoto refused. I need someone to keep watch. I already know you’re good at sitting there and doing and saying nothing of note.”

Sousuke ignores that, and prays to Saint Makoto for strength in these trying times. “Trespassing.”

“ _Exploring_.”

Sousuke looks to the entrance and then at the rest of the ship. It’s _huge_. They will be arrested. Or die. They’ll get lost and stuck somewhere and suffer dehydration, hunger, turn into a modern-day Donner party... Sousuke won’t really want to do it; if push came to shove he probably wouldn’t eat Haru. Haru has likely already committed to the idea of starting at Sousuke’s legs. Their previously anonymous conversations told Sousuke that Haru has a thing for his thighs.

“This is an awful idea.”

“It’s leaving port soon,” Haru continues. “I’ve never seen one.”

“It’s just a boat.”

“It’s a _big_ boat.” And he walks up to the front as if it’s been decided with that, and Sousuke trails because Makoto probably would be cross if he let Haru do this by himself. Maybe they’ll need a reservation.

Or not because it’s a Tuesday afternoon. He groans inwardly as they’re let on, unacceptable attire of rumpled dress shirts and all, and orders a bottle of red plum wine right away because he refuses to chaperone this field trip sober. It’s actually pretty nice. The dining room is lined with white string lights, the walls are decked in nautical decor. There’s some string quartet playing lowly from the overhead. The floors are hardwood and worn with time, the shine long gone but the look of distress was likely the goal. The few other couples speak in low chatter over stark white tablecloths and centered single candles. It would be romantic under any other circumstance.

“So we order. I use the restroom. I don’t return,” Haru reveals as his brilliant fucking plan.

“And I sit here? Until you decide you’ve seen enough and come back?”

“Yeah... basically.”

Sousuke downs his glass, and downs it fast. He’s not getting laid, he has to foot this bill, and he has to drink alone. “Whatever.”

Haru nods appreciatively and orders mackerel, Sousuke orders takoyaki. Haru then falls silent like he always does, and this is all pretty strange already, so Sousuke opts to try and make it comfortable lest they have another disaster of an outing together.

“Sooo… what do you like about this… stuff?”

Haru perks up, and launches into a long-winded explanation about the history of entertainment’s merge with seafaring, which is the last thing on earth Sousuke needed to learn about but finds it curiously interesting anyway. Weird maybe, but respectably weird.

They begin to drink _together_ , surprisingly, and he’s ordering a second bottle sooner than they’ve made it half-way through their meals. Haru sticks around long enough to help polish that off too. Probably longer than he intended on staying at the table.

They chat on and off about _normal_ things. Sousuke’s also surprised to find Haru is rather normal overall despite his reputation, and also despite this particular outing, and by the end of the second bottle he’s thinking a lot more about that photo and then some. Looking at Haru’s forearms when he rolls up his sleeves. Taking in the pink staining high on his _lovely_ cheekbones. The oddly rewarding upward quirk of his lips when Sousuke attempts to make him laugh. And of all the things he expected from this, having fun with Haru was not one of them. Yet here he is.

“Okay, well,” Haru huffs after the second bottle drips dry and his meal is mostly gone. “...I’m goin’. Test me if you see anyone.”

“Text?”

“That’s what I _said_ ,” he argues, pushing to a stand and a wobble.

Sousuke waves him off, a little rumpled that he’s still being ditched after what he thought was a rather nice dinner. “Have fun. Be careful, don’t fall overboard. Or do, whatever. I’m not your keeper.”

Haru wavers, and stares, and Sousuke gives him a look of _can I help you?_ which makes Haru shake his head and- was that a frown? Then he’s gone and out the door and Sousuke makes it approximately seven additional minutes before he throws enough yen down on the table to probably cover the bill and follows after him, curiosity gnawing on the corners of his mind. And not any sort of curiosity regarding the cruiseship, either. Dammit, Makoto.

“Haru!” he yells down a hallway of cabin rooms. “Hey! Nanase!”

Sousuke started off being quiet, but twenty minutes have gone by without a trace of his reluctant date, and this ship. is. fucking. _huge_. Even bigger than it seemed from outside. And no one thought to lock a single door, apparently, and merely roped off the forbidden areas, making this entire floating continent Haru’s oyster for exploration.

He checks his phone again to see if the other’s responded to his increasingly stressful _tests_. Nothing. He’s considering throwing in the towel and _telling Makoto_ at this point. But that would be a surefire way to getting his ass kicked. _“Sorry dude, lost your friend on a docked cruise ship. He’s a gonner. Caribbean, most likely.”_ That would go over well. He suddenly understands that Makoto likely foresaw this himself, and that’s why he was disinclined to indulge Haru this odd request. He sort of needs to find him for his own way back out at this point.

Sousuke descends another level to yet more cabins. “Nanase!”

His head pops out of a cabin door down the way like some sort of small gopher. “Shut up. You’re too loud.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake. Come _on_ , this is stupid.”

“No, come _here_. You’re stomping around and shouting like a gorilla and you’re going to get me caught and I’m not done yet. I want to see the engine room.” He disappears back into the cabin and Sousuke walks quickly before he loses its place along the endless row of them, only to be yanked in by his wrist.

“Look.”

He looks at a bed, a tiny sink, and a sliver of a closet. It’s more unremarkable than the bottom of his foot. “...Incredible.”

“ _Out,_ ” Haru clarifies. Sousuke looks out the tiny window. It’s below the surface of the water, but it’s pitch black. “We’re _under water_.”

He sighs. This is way too endearing for a relationship going nowhere and he needs it to _stop._ “Can we go now? The engine room won’t be as cool as you think it will be.”

“...You know,” Haru offers on a stride towards Sousuke, hands anchoring on Sousuke’s waist as he leans in to speak privately. “Even though I knew it was you, I was pretty into all of those things you talked about doing with your mouth. You’re creative.”

“Is this a bribe?”

“Unabashedly,” Haru agrees. “One more room.”

Well even if nothing comes of this, which as he’s pulled away impatiently lower into the ship figures will be the case since Haru only seems interested in using him to achieve odd ends, at least it was an interesting day. And definitively, he can tell Makoto, _no_. They will not be dating- _for sure-_ this time.

* * *

 

“And _that_ ,” Sousuke concludes, somewhat proudly, “is how I ended up blowing your best friend in a dirty cruiseship engine room.”

Rin disappears from the laptop screen and a laugh blares through the speakers sounding like some cross between a hooting owl and and a hyena with chronic bronchitis.

Makoto _stares_ at Sousuke. Mouth firmly shut. Eyes reading a solid ten levels above _I am so done with every single one of these assholes_. “Oh my god.”

“It’s your fault,” Sousuke accuses. “You created this. You _wanted_ this.”

He huffs. “I don’t condone _exhibitionism!”_

Rin recovers and reappears. “Yes you fucking _do_ remember Gou’s graduation ceremony?!”

Makoto whips to Sousuke and glares so hard he scoots a little nearer to the edge of Makoto’s bed where he’s been perched for his own safety. “Do _not_ start.”

Sousuke throws his hands up in silent surrender. “Hey, those things are long, what’s a five-minute handjob during two hours of _Pomp and Circumstance_? Were you also sandwiched between family because if so- _daring_ -”

“You told him?!” Makoto cries.

“No!” Rin squeaks.

“He didn’t, but you just did.”

Only Makoto could make a pillow _hurt._ Sousuke rubs his upper arm and hisses through his uncontainable laugh.

“Thanks buddy, you took that for the both of us,” Rin chuckles.

Makoto leans forward and flicks the camera, making Rin flinch involuntarily. “ _Anyway_. Why are you even telling us this, Sousuke? We didn’t need to know all that, not even a little bit.”

“I wanted to!” Rin interjects.

“To prove I can get along with him without going out with him, duh. Makoto is _wrong_ ,” Sousuke answers, not sure if Makoto is even listening over his obviously loud urge to fly to wherever Rin is this week and strangle him.

“Oh, I get it,” Rin says sadly. “You think this is over now. That’s cute, isn’t it, Mako?”

“ _Adorable_ ,” Makoto agrees with a nod.

Sousuke rolls his eyes. “You both are _that_ sort of smug couple, you know that? The type the rest of us debate and then regret inviting to _anything_.”

“We’ve made it! We’re a _power couple,_ ” Rin whoops triumphantly. “Mako, poke him in the forehead for me while I talk to drive my point home.”

“I’ll break your fucking hand,” Sousuke deadpans as Makoto hovers his index finger a centimeter away from Sousuke’s skin. Makoto tilts his head and hums unimpressed, and presses it to his forehead anyway.

“You,” Rin starts, “have done what no other gentleman caller before you has done.”

 _“Gentleman caller,”_ Sousuke parrots in disbelief. Disbelief that he is friends with Rin.

“And _that_ is to not only totally- _legitimately-_ have a good time with our precious and tragically picky Haru, but then you go and boastfully _brag_ about it to his best friends.” Rin barks out a _HA_. “He’s falling in love with you as we speak.”

Sousuke bats Makoto’s hand away. “He doesn’t know I bragged.”

“Oh but he does,” Makoto says, holding up his phone.

“God fucking dammit when did you text him?!”

“Makoto’s a _gossip_ ,” Rin chides. “You should know this. He texts me scandals before they’ve even _happened_.”

Sousuke narrows his eyes. “Is this about to be a bad joke about timezones?”

“Haha yeah,” Rin trails. “Anyway. If you see Haru again he’s going to be all over you.”

“He didn’t even say goodbye,” Sousuke says. “He just left, like, mid sentence for his bus. The middle of _his own_ _sentence,_ mind.”

Makoto nods sympathetically. “He hates small talk. But Rin’s right.”

“Do either of you care if _I_ even like _him_? Do I matter here?”

“Not really,” Rin says.

“What Rin _means_ is that we already know you do.”

“Enlighten me.”

“You took down your profile on your hook-up thingy,” Rin reveals.

It’s Sousuke’s turn to hit Makoto with his pillow. “Stop stalking my sins!”

“I’m sorry! I wanted to know and you obviously wouldn’t tell us.”

Sousuke sighs and stands up to leave them to their scheming. “You’re both the worst people I know.”

“Let us know _all_ about your lay!” Rin calls. “The gritty details.”

“ _Jesus,_ _please_ don’t,” Makoto groans.

Sousuke holds up one finger for each of his following points: “I don’t like him. I’m not dating him. I’m not going to sleep with him. And you’re both going to hell.”

* * *

 

Sousuke’s never ridden a cock so hard in his goddamned _life_.

Half because everyone he sleeps with is physically smaller than him and concerned for the integrity of their pelvis if he suggests sitting on it, and half because those that agree put absolutely zero effort into it once they’re on their backs, as if their contribution stops at insertion.

Haru gets him.

“Holy _shit_ ,” he moans breathlessly once his vision and words find him again, both things momentarily knocked away by one hell of a loud and messy orgasm. “ _Why_ didn’t we fuck sooner?”

“You wouldn’t last for a list of reasons that long,” Haru answers. He falls onto his back and wriggles his hips impatiently. “Get off of me already.”

Sousuke rolls off of him gracelessly, happy to collapse onto the mattress and doze until Haru huffs an unspoken _uh, little help here?_ as he eyes the mess down the front of his body.

“All right, sorry, jeez,” he mumbles as he gets to his feet for his discarded shower towel.

Haru grunts his thanks and wipes himself down, then sits back up to take care of the condom.

“ _Thank_ you,” Sousuke says once he’s settled again.

“ _That’s_ a new response,” Haru snorts.

He stretches his arms high over his head and rasps a drowsy hum. “I’m serious. I think I’ve slowly forgotten what good sex is supposed to feel like.”

Haru flushes redder than Makoto ever has and looks away from him, mumbling under his breath. Sousuke’s a firm believer in positive reinforcement, even if his praise comes off too strong. _Especially_ when it comes to a partner who fucks _him_ well. Not an easy find, and he was right in front of Sousuke this entire time.

“Think I could convince you to do that again some time?”

Haru looks at him funny and shakes his head of whatever thought finds him. “I’m the one who invited myself over.”

“Well yeah but, in case you were thinking this was it. It doesn’t _have_ to be, could get a thing going.”

Sousuke frowns when Haru hops off the bed suddenly and leaves the room. The water runs in the bathroom for a few minutes and he returns to get dressed.

“Er, okay. No pillow talk for you?”

“Let’s go out. Dinner,” Haru explains. “Wash up.”

“Oooh, like a date-date?” Sousuke teases.

“Yes,” he answers simply. He sits at the foot of the bed and stares expectantly at Sousuke to move.

“No weird shit like trespassing on international property this time, right?”

Haru’s unamused expression answers him without words, and Sousuke gets the impression he did something wrong at some point in this discussion but has no earthly idea what it could’ve been.

He takes another quick shower and gets dressed to match the formality of Haru’s clothes, which isn’t anything nicer than the buttondown he wore the last time they went out so he opts for another in a different color.

Haru doesn’t say much as we walks them out and down the street, which after two kilometers is more than _slightly_ insensitive to Sousuke considering what they were _just_ doing. They come to stop at the Italian place they had their _first_ shitty date at, and get a table with no wait.

Sousuke starts to talk about whatever when Haru _still_ doesn’t say anything, and by the time their food is brought out he’s run out of shit to go on about. Haru’s listening, but not contributing.

What the fuck is wrong with this guy?

“Is it something I said?” Sousuke finally asks.

“Hmm? No,” Haru answers around a bite of pasta. “Continue.”

“Look, if you’re just going to expect me to know what to say and never hold a conversation, I got bad news.”

Haru shrugs. “I’m just listening. Am I annoying you?”

“A little, yeah,” Sousuke mumbles. “The hell’s the difference between this and when you gave a shit on the boat?”

He doesn’t answer and turns back to his food, and Sousuke’s sick of trying. Just like the first date they stop talking, and Sousuke fumbles his phone out under the table to shoot a text of annoyance at Makoto, doing nothing to hide that he is from Haru since the other isn’t paying attention in the slightest.

 _you both texted me again,_ Makoto responds in a group message a few minutes later. _i’m not helping._

Sousuke looks up and can’t keep his scowl away, and Haru rolls his eyes at it.

“I’m going to ask for the check,” Haru says.

“Oh, finally have something to say, cool. Exactly what I was thinking, too.”

He sighs but doesn’t give in to Sousuke’s sarcasm. They pay their own bills at Sousuke’s insistence, and Haru walks out without waiting for him. This is honestly his last straw, and Sousuke runs to catch him once he gets his change.

“Hey!”

Haru stops a few meters away from the restaurant and turns to him irritably. _“What?”_

“What the hell is your _problem?_ We’d been having a good time and all of a sudden you just close off on me again!”

 _“Close off?”_ Haru balks. “From _what?_ You never bothered asking me to open up in the first place.”

“Bullshit! I did that _stupid_ boat shit _you_ wanted to do, remember? All about your weirdo fascination with maritime entertainment? Oh, and pretty sure _you’re_ the one who came over and jumped me, by the way.”

“You’re such an ass,” Haru mumbles with a shake of his head. He makes like he’s about to turn and keep walking, and Sousuke throws his hands up in frustration.

“What do I do for a living, Sousuke?” Haru suddenly asks a bit more emboldened from the gesture.

“Fuck I don’t know, Makoto said something about magazines? Hasn’t really come up with all this _action_ , wouldn’t you say?”

“Do I still swim? What are my hobbies? Do I have any pets?” he drills. “Where do I live? What’s my favorite restaurant? Sure isn’t this terrible place you picked out without asking for input on.”

“Funny, I don’t remember those being questions with answers displayed on your _hook-up_ profile.”

“So you _ask,”_ Haru nearly yells. “Which you _did_ ask questions while you were still trying to get into a stranger’s pants, by the way. Soon as it was _me_ you didn’t bother anymore.”

“Hey, it’s not like you know shit about me,” Sousuke counters.

 _“You?”_ he laughs. “Firm manager, you’re applying to directorship next month. You still swim, even learned the backstroke from Makoto. You have an old hermit crab your college roommate left behind that you just call Crab, which is a terrible name. You like fishing, but you catch and release. Trick question on the restaurant; it’s actually a food cart outside of your office building. You’ve told me about all of this at _length_ without turning it back on me one single time.”

Shit.

“I thought we hit it off when we met up on accident and that maybe you were just nervous the first time we went out. Then I find out you brag about sex. Fine, maybe you work in reverse, maybe it gets you to connect. So I come over and we have a good time… until you go and imply that’s all we’re good for. So I took you out _again_ to give you another chance and you blew it _again_. You just think I’m some weird, eccentric guy with weirder, cutesy interests who’s a good lay like _everyone else does._ So really? Forget it. I won’t even do this for Makoto. I don’t know what I liked about you.”

Sousuke stares dumbly at his retreating back, totally at a loss for how to process more words than he thought Haru was capable of speaking together at any one time, and hardly so many words directed at so thoroughly kicking his ass.

Sousuke really, _really_ sucks at getting to know people.

* * *

 

“And _that,”_ Sousuke sighs in defeat, “is why your best friend hates me.”

“Wow, Sou,” Rin remarks, then sips at his nearly empty soft drink. The air bubbling through the straw is particularly loud from the speakers. “You’re a dick. Where’d you learn to date? Because, just... _wow_.”

Makoto groans. “I thought you liked him!”

“I did!” Sousuke blurts. “I do. I mean. Sort of. I don’t know. I didn’t realize I was being a bad date.”

“Why wouldn’t you get to know the person who’s trying to hang out with you? Who _likes_ you?” Rin asks incredulously. “Are you stupid?”

“Yes,” Sousuke admits.

“Have you ever actually _dated_ someone?” Makoto presses. “Had a relationship?”

He’s about to ask _what the fuck sort of stupid question is that_ when he realizes. “Uh… no.”

Makoto and Rin share a helpless look and Sousuke looks down at his lap feeling maybe one step above a scolded child.

“Well,” Rin says after a few beats of silence. “I think you blew it.”

“Thanks, Rin. You’re a true detective.”

“Dating is like an _interview_ ,” Makoto offers in terms he must assume appeal to Sousuke. “You _both_ ask questions and decide if you’re good for each other.”

“That sounds stupid and forced,” Sousuke replies. “Like all interviews.”

Makoto shakes his head and holds up a hand to pause Sousuke’s thoughts. “Rin, I’m glad you could meet me for drinks. How was work today?”

“Grueling,” Rin answers quickly. “Barely submitted all those super important money numbers in time before the Dr. Saint CEO of Earth was like, _grumblegrumblgrumble_.”

“Oh, do you work in accounting?”

“Totally. I love math. All that balanced booking turns me _on_. What about _you_ , sexy? You should subtract that jacket.”

Sousuke sighs. “Okay, I get it. Thanks for the skit; Rin you need to work on your improv.”

“It’s not that hard, Sou, but you made him feel like a quirky side piece.” Makoto nods along with Rin’s summation.

 _“Okay!”_ he repeats. “Lesson learned.”

“Back at square one I suppose,” Makoto muses. “Awkward dinners.”

“Yeah, if Haru will still even show up,” Rin adds against what Sousuke might call his better judgement, because Makoto’s face falls before he can finish the thought.

“What? You know him,” he continues. “Pissy as all get out when there’s a grudge involved.”

“I guess you’re right,” Makoto says.

“I can just leave when he’s going to come over, Makoto,” Sousuke offers.

He shakes his head in denial. “I really have no interest in balancing anything like that. I don’t want to have to separate you both like grouchy dogs, or have to kick you out of your own home. If he doesn’t want me to go to him, he needs to learn to get along with you again.”

“Woah,” Rin says in surprise. “Mako must _really_ like you.”

“ _But_ ,” Makoto interjects, “you need to apologize to him too.”

“I will,” Sousuke mutters. “Trust me, I feel adequately terrible for messing this up. You’ve both done a great job in driving it home.”

Rin, to his credit, looks legitimately sympathetic for once in his life. “Sorry Sou.” He looks up past the camera to the sound of his name somewhere in the background, nods a few times, and looks back even more sympathetic than before, but more towards Makoto this time. “I gotta go.”

“Oh, okay,” Makoto says. “I work three twenty-fours this week starting tomorrow.”

Rin frowns. “Really? Shit. Be careful. I have travel all day Thursday and that tournament and boot camp all weekend.”

“Right. Um, so next… Tuesday then? Ack, wait, I have junior firefighter volunteer work. Wednesday?”

“Er, well…”

Sousuke watches their back and forth with an increasingly heavy heart. He took up their only call with his bullshit, and now they won’t get to have another for going on two weeks now.

“You know what?” Makoto laughs lightly after nothing seems workable in the near future, “Let’s just get through the weekend and see if anything’s opened up after that.”

Rin doesn’t try and fake a smile, and just settles for dejected. “All ri- I’m coming! Hold the fuck on!” he snaps in English past the camera.

“I love you, Rin. Remember to get me a postcard.”

“Love you too. Sou, take it easy.”

“Uh, yeah.”

Makoto hangs up the call and sighs quietly. “Mind if I just go to bed, Sousuke? We can talk more about all this another time. Maybe we can fix it.”

Sudden onset self-awareness is a bit of a bitch.

* * *

 

Makoto takes it with grace when Haru turns him down on his next invite in the following week. Sousuke makes them dinner and extra in case Makoto wants to take him any food, or even less likely, Haru shows up late.

“Ah, well, I’m just going to talk about work anyway. That’s all I’ve done for _days_ ,” he reasons. “Haru worries so it’s better he doesn’t know I had a few twenty-fours back to back.”

Sousuke finally breaks at how goddamn sad that is and texts Haru at least for Makoto’s sake; _im sorry._ He still hasn’t worded an apology for himself- where would he even _start-_ but Makoto doesn’t deserve to have this taken out on him in the meantime.

 _that’s nice,_ Haru answers a day later, and declines another invite from Makoto the day after that.

Makoto picks at his favorite green curry that night without any enthusiasm, which Sousuke bought the high-quality shit for on his way home when Rin texted him a desperate _please help me out i gotta cancel our call tonight_. An effort in futility; Makoto isn’t cheered up by it in the slightest.

“Wanna go out?”

“Not really.”

“Want me to make you something else?”

“No,” Makoto sighs. “This is _very_ good. I’m sorry, I just don’t have much of an appetite.”

“Tastes better the next day anyway,” Sousuke dismisses. “So when’s he coming back for a visit?”

Makoto frowns deeper. “I don’t know... He’s getting involved in a lot of promotional stuff now and talking about continuing on with some sponsors in the off-season. Between the sport and him getting into management and now this, well... I’m trying to encourage him but I don’t know when I’m allowed to ask him to come visit me, at the very least. It never feels right.”

“And now Haru won’t even come over because of me. Shit, I’m sorry Makoto.”

“He’ll get over it,” Makoto reassures. “Rin’s right, he just holds grudges _so_ stubbornly. But I live with you, and I don’t need any other headaches. Work and Rin give me enough. I could use his forgiveness here; I mean you did apologize...”

“Er, right,” Sousuke mutters. He’s usually very good at lying, but Makoto is _so much better_ at demanding honesty of people.

Makoto narrows his eyes in suspicion. “You didn’t, did you?”

“I… did. I texted him?”

“You are not allowed to make this harder!” Makoto shouts in exasperation, startling Sousuke. “Shoo! Go fix it!”

“I’m gonna, I’m gonna-”

“Now!”

Sousuke sits up straight and clears his throat, nearly doesn’t stop himself from uttering _yes, sir_. Big brother to two tyrants, former captain of _more_ tyrants, rank-skipping award-winning firefighter and all around terrifying-when-angry entity Makoto Tachibana is angry at _him_. “... What do I say?”

Makoto rolls his eyes. “You like him?”

“ _Yes_ , fine. I like him.”

“Start with that, remember to _interview_. He’s home and I told him you’re coming over,” Makoto says, setting his phone down on the table that Sousuke didn’t even know he had on him.

“How the fuck do you text that quickly?”

“I’ll send you his address.”

Haru’s disdain is way more preferable to this, so Sousuke hangs his head and gets his things together while Makoto puts the food away. Haru lives _way_ out of the way from them for a guy who doesn’t drive, making Sousuke feel _guiltier_ , and when he knocks on Haru’s door he’s certain it’s so timid no one will hear it.

A woman he doesn’t know answers- the eccentric roommate?- and waves him in without a word. She leaves him for the living room, where she’s tending to _at least_ five cats. This is why Makoto is not allowed over.

“Haru?” Sousuke calls in mild panic before his allergies declare war on his entire body and render him voiceless. He bolts down the hall at the sound of an echoing _in here_ , and finds Haru in his room at a small desk on a laptop.

“I’m working,” he says flatly, dragging a cutout graphic of a bluefin tuna over near a graph bemoaning the woes of overfishing.

“Poor tuna,” Sousuke observes nervously. Really nervously. He’s no good at this sort of thing.

Haru turns around with a severe look to him. “I know. It’s awful. What do you want, Yamazaki?”

“To apologize for real. I have been informed- _ad nauseam_ \- that I was a shitty date, and I agree with that assessment in hindsight. I’ve never really _dated_ before and my head was very far up my ass about it.”

“Thanks,” Haru says, and turns back around to ignore him further.

Sousuke is undeterred, since it means Makoto could be _sad_ if this doesn’t work out. Worse than mad. “Is this what you do? Graphic design stuff?”

“Yup.”

“That’s really neat.”

“I guess so.”

Sousuke chews his lip and reroutes himself. “I like you.”

“Okay.”

Interview, interview… “Uh… so what are… your weaknesses?”

Haru stops dragging cutouts around and spins around in his chair completely. “Falling for pricks like you?” he deadpans.

“Makoto said it was an interview, I’m sorry, that was totally the wrong question, wasn’t it?”

“Wasn’t a good start.”

Sousuke sighs. He’s just making an ass out of himself. More importantly, it shouldn’t be about him. He needs to patch this up for Makoto. “Okay, so, forget all that. Makoto is really sad, and you don’t have to like me, but Rin is busy, and you stopped coming over, and I think he’s lonely. I messed it up by not apologizing sooner, but for Makoto, can you please start coming back over? He’s our friend and… yeah. He’s our friend and he doesn’t deserve to be caught in the middle.”

“Rin’s _too busy?”_ Haru asks.

“Yeah, I guess he’s doing a lot of shit and might not come back for awhile.”

Haru shakes his head and turns to the drawer of his desk for his phone and dials a number by heart. “Hold on, I’m going to yell at him.”

Sousuke shuffles from foot to foot as Haru greets Rin on the phone with only his name. He braces himself for one of those escalating fights those two are prone to.

“Visit Makoto soon. What? No. He misses you a lot and isn’t telling you, as usual… okay. You’re welcome. Bye. Ri- _Yes_ , okay? _Bye_.” He rolls his eyes as he hangs up and looks back to Sousuke. “There.”

“Uh, that was… easy.”

Haru shrugs. “We don’t fight about Makoto.”

“Okay, so, are you going to come over again?”

He turns back to his computer and hums. “As soon as I finish this.”

Sousuke’s about to leave, satisfied, but Haru catches him at the door. “You can stay. I need a ride.”

“Uh, yeah.” He sits on the very edge of Haru’s bed since there’s nowhere else. He can’t get a read on Haru like usual. He supposes he really did blow this, but at least now Makoto won’t snuff him out in his sleep for being an asshole.

“I wonder if anyone will notice the Iwatobi-chan I snuck into the pupil of the tuna,” Haru says casually after a few minutes.

Sousuke blinks himself out of his thoughts and re-focuses on Haru, who’s leaning in close to his screen and zooming in on the graphic. He scoots down the bed to lean forward and get a better idea of what Haru’s talking about. Sure enough, a near-blip when zoomed out, there’s the ugly bird in all its oddly geometrical glory. He snorts. “You do that a lot?”

“I sneak something into every graphic I make.”

“Any dicks? I gotta ask. For Rin.”

He side-glances Sousuke with a lick of judgement in his eyes over his sense of humor, but that cold edge isn’t there anymore. “Once. For an article about male contraceptives. Was going for the subconscious. No one noticed. I never know whether or not to be offended or happy that I still have a job. But one time I aligned the text to just say _SA BA SA BA SA BA_ all the way down on the right side... someone caught that. I shrugged it off as coincidence.”

“Fascinating,” he mumbles in quiet awe, then remembers Haru hates him. “Wait- is this your way of saying I should be looking for the time and place of my murder hidden in the next issue?”

“It’s my way of saying I forgive you. You put Makoto above it, which even I didn’t do, and that was wrong of me too. So you’re not a total lost cause after all.”

“Makoto _did_ vaguely threaten me if I didn’t come here, full disclosure.”

“Then your priorities are also in a better order than I thought they were.” Haru spins around in the chair again to face him. “Look, I know I’m weird, and I should’ve been more obvious from the get go. I like you too. Now that I know you’re clearly just an idiot, and not a jerk on purpose.”

Sousuke nods in humility. “I’ll let that by this one time to prove that I _am_ sorry. And it’s a _good_ weird, I swear.”

It earns him a small smile, and Haru gets back to work. “How was your day?”

“Ah, nothing interesting. So- tuna’s in trouble? Or you just like the picture?”

Maybe they can be a power couple, armed to the teeth with odd maritime facts.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://iskabee.tumblr.com)


End file.
